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Loneliness across our lifetime
What are the life stages in which we’re most likely to feel lonely?
Most of us will experience loneliness in our lives – fact. What are the stages we’re most likely to feel lonely and what can we do about it? Most loneliness is associated with change. There are common key life events in which we can experience loneliness. We’re sure we can all recognise or relate to many of them…
Key life points for loneliness
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Starting a new school
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Leaving home and going to university
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Starting a new job
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Moving house
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Becoming a new parent
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Children flying the nest
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Retirement
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Bereavement
We can also feel loneliness through situational factors like divorce and the break-up of the family unit or when a relationship ends. We can feel lonely if we experience health or financial issues or if we move to a new place or country. Research suggests that some people are more vulnerable to loneliness than others. Examples of this include people who:
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Have no friends or family, are a single parent or care for someone else
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Belong to a minority group or live in an area where there aren't many people with a similar background
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Are excluded from social activities because of mobility problems
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Don't have much money for certain social activities
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Experience discrimination and stigma because of your gender, race or your gender or sexual identity
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Have experienced any kind of abuse, including neglect, which may make it find it harder to form close relationships with other people.
How loneliness changes across our lifetimes
Our social needs change over our lives. When we are younger, we tend to rely more heavily on our friendships, as well as the number of friends we have and how much we physically see them. It’s also important to have flexibility and space in our friendships. We all have different things happening in our lives, which means we might not always have lots of time to see friends or make plans. This especially plays out as we get older: we tend to have fewer friendships as family life, work, and other commitments become our priorities.
A study by Norwegian researchers showed that amongst adults aged 30-64, the quality of friendships became paramount and didn’t correlate with how many friends people had or how often they saw each other. As we age, we have fewer expectations of our friendships, so don’t feel bad or guilty if you only have one or a handful of friends or confidantes. For more information on knowing more about the social contact you need, click here >>
Key life indicators
Loneliness is something that we can all experience, regardless of our life circumstances and backgrounds. However, it’s important to know that key life indicators or certain events can also leave us feeling lonely.
Loneliness is completely normal. Others will be feeling exactly the same as us and it’s helpful to think of loneliness as a part of life, so you can plan and anticipate ahead of time and have strategies and support in place. This isn’t to say that everyone will experience loneliness and different things will work for different people, but it’s about taking control of your life and thinking about what could help you. Even if you aren’t experiencing loneliness yourself, having an awareness of these key life indicators can help us be more perceptive as to when others might be lonely. Of course, key life indicators aren’t set in stone, and people may experience different things at different times, but it’s helpful to have a bigger picture of when loneliness might happen and to whom.
Up to 20yrs old:
Starting nursery, school and college, parent's divorce, exam pressure, bullying, friendship pressure, technological loneliness, moving home or to a new area, leaving home.
Age 20-40:
Going to university, starting a new job, moving away from family and childhood friends, starting in a new place, new parent loneliness, workplace loneliness, loss of social life, relationship breakdown or lack of relationship.
Age 40-60:
Heavy family responsibilities caring for children and/or ageing parents, children leaving home, financial hardships, loss of social life, lack of time to put self first, divorce or relationship breakdown, uneven work/life balance, unemployment, loss of family life, health conditions, not feeling part of a culture or community, digital exclusion.
Age 60-80:
Retirement can lead to occupational deprivation, lack of purpose or direction, bereavement and loss of friends, loss of independence, health conditions and loss of mobility.
Age 80+
Bereavement, diminishing social/community networks, health and mobility conditions, and digital exclusion.
What if I’ve felt lonely all my life, regardless of age?
If you’ve always felt a disconnection from others or an internal loneliness, no matter what or who is in your life, it could be worth pursuing with a trained therapist or counsellor. It’s very common for adverse early life experiences (where we didn’t receive appropriate love, support or have a sense of belonging for whatever reason), to have a lasting effect. Our mental health can also affect us at any age, so it’s important to talk about how we feel with those close to us, and get the right signposting and support.
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