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What is loneliness?
We all feel lonely at times – it’s a natural human emotion. We all need to feel connected to other people. Loneliness is the unsettling feeling we get when this need is not being met. Just like feeling thirsty is a sign to grab a drink, loneliness is our body's way of telling us we need more meaningful connections.
Children might feel lonely because they are not having much contact with other people, or because the contact doesn't feel meaningful to them. Loneliness isn't the same as being alone - some children might feel lonely with friends or family, on social media, or at school. Loneliness can come from feeling like you are not being understood by those around you.
Loneliness is a normal emotion, not a mental health condition. But long-term loneliness can start to affect mental and physical health.
There’s nothing wrong or shameful about loneliness. It’s best to use neutral or positive language to describe it. Using kind, accepting words to describe loneliness can help further remove the stigma.
However horrible it can feel when we’re in it, there is always something we can do to feel better. Most loneliness is temporary. Talking about loneliness is an important place to start, thinking about what we need (we are all different) and making a plan to start getting those social connections.
What should I do if I think my child feels lonely?
Talking to your child
You might notice changes in their behaviour, such as becoming more withdrawn, clingy, or acting out. If you think your child is feeling lonely, it’s best to try and talk to them about it first. Try to listen to your child without judgement, acknowledging and validating their feelings as much as possible.
Start by asking open questions like:
“How do you feel about your friendships?”
“Are there times when you feel left out or lonely?”
Acknowledge their emotions without judgment by saying things like, “I can see why that would feel upsetting.” This helps them feel validated. It’s also important to reassure them that feeling lonely from time to time is completely normal.
Be there for them
One of the best ways to support a child feeling lonely is simply by being present. Quality time with your child can reinforce feelings of love and acceptance. Let them know you’re always there to listen and encourage them to express their emotions, whether through talking, drawing, or journaling.
Tips to help guide conversations about loneliness with your child
Start with simple explanations
Children may not be familiar with the term "loneliness," but they can relate to the feeling of wanting company or missing someone.
Use simple, age-appropriate language to explain what loneliness means: "We all feel lonely sometimes, just like how we sometimes feel thirsty or hungry. Feeling lonely is a natural thing that happens because we all need friends and people to talk to. When we feel lonely, it's like our body is telling us that we need more friends or deeper talks with the people we already know."
Share personal stories
Talking about your own experiences with loneliness can help normalise the feeling and show that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
For example: "When I moved to a new school, I felt lonely because I didn’t know anyone. Over time, I made friends and felt much better. However horrible it can feel when you’re in it, there is always something we can do to feel better."
Teach empathy
Help children understand how loneliness might feel for others. Encourage them to notice when someone might need a friend and to take kind actions, such as:
Inviting a classmate to play
Writing a kind note to someone who seems sad
Smiling at classmates in the hallway at school
Asking classmates how their weekend was
Suggest positive coping strategies
Teach your child some healthy ways to cope with loneliness:
Make new connections: Encourage your child to join a club, team, or activity where they can meet new friends. You could contact any friends they have made at school and arrange weekend activities such as meeting up at the park.
Enjoy alone time: Encourage hobbies like reading, drawing, or building that they can use to further explore their feelings
Reach out: By having regular chats and check-ins with your child, they’ll have more chances to talk to you about how they’re feeling and if their loneliness is feeling better or worse. You might agree on a regular time to sit down and talk, free from distractions, where your child knows they can talk openly about loneliness or anything else on their mind. Make sure they know they can come to you anytime they need to talk.
Books and media: Stories can be powerful tools to explain complex emotions. Choose books, movies, or shows where characters experience loneliness, then discuss the story together.
Reinforce that loneliness is temporary
Remind your child that loneliness doesn’t last forever and that they have the power to change how they feel by reaching out or trying something new.
"Feeling lonely is like a rainy day. It might not feel great, but it will pass, and sunny days will come again."
Lead by example
Show your child how you maintain connections and practice kindness. Let them see you reaching out to friends, checking in on neighbours, or volunteering. This models proactive ways to build connections and manage feelings of loneliness.
Encourage helping others
Acts of kindness can help children feel connected and valued. Suggest activities like:
Writing cards for someone in need.
Volunteering with a parent.
Helping a friend or sibling with a task.
We all experience loneliness in different ways. For some children, it’s a feeling that others don’t understand them, or that they don’t fit in. For others, it’s a sadness about not having close friendships. Even children who have lots of friends can experience loneliness.
By talking openly about loneliness, you empower children to understand their emotions and support others. Teaching kids that loneliness is a normal and temporary feeling helps them build resilience and stronger connections throughout their lives.
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